JOKES

[Cudakiller70]

Horse riding accident


First of all, I'm fine - or I will be soon. I had a
nasty accident yesterday but I'm ok. I went horseback riding and let's just say
it didn't end up quite as planned. I got on the horse ok and started out slowly
but he started to speed up and we were going faster than I was comfortable
with until we were going as fast as the horse could go! I have to admit I was
terrified!! Then the worst thing ever happened - I fell off and caught my foot in
the stirrup and the horse was dragging me around in a circle. It wouldn't stop, it
just kept going around and around.

Thank God the store manager at Walmart came out and unplugged the carousel.......

[Cudakiller70]

So this Irishman walks out of a bar. No, really...it could happen.

Sounds like shenanigans and malarkey to me.

[Topcat]

So, I was walking through Chicago and I saw a Muslim book store.
I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore, so I went in.

As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.

I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, "Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"

The clerk said, "F**k off, get out and stay out!"
I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"

[Roadman]

      

[blown motor]

Brad and Ian are going to love this one.

A Canadian is returning home and the customs officer asks for his passport. He says "I lost it but I can prove I'm Canadian because I have a tattoo of Celine Dion on my right butt cheek. Customs officer says "that won't do, I need a passport". The guy says "well I have a tattoo of Shania Twain on my left but cheek". The customs officer is intrigued so he says "Ok let's see them". The guy drops his pants and the customs officer says "well I'll be darned, you must be from Ontario". The guy says "how did you know that". Customs officer says" Because you have Kathleen Wynne right there in the middle".

[Brads70]

Brad and Ian are going to love this one.

A Canadian is returning home and the customs officer asks for his passport. He says "I lost it but I can prove I'm Canadian because I have a tattoo of Celine Dion on my right butt cheek. Customs officer says "that won't do, I need a passport". The guy says "well I have a tattoo of Shania Twain on my left but cheek". The customs officer is intrigued so he says "Ok let's see them". The guy drops his pants and the customs officer says "well I'll be darned, you must be from Ontario". The guy says "how did you know that". Customs officer says" Because you have Kathleen Wynne right there in the middle".

HAHA good one! 

[71GranCoupe]

 

[anlauto]

Saw that coming...

[Roadman]

[Roadman]

[blown motor]

Good one!! 

[Roadman]

      

[71GranCoupe]

 

      

[Roadman]

              

[Roadman]